When you’re in a romantic relationship, you want to be close to your partner. That might come intuitively to some people, but it could be challenging for others. Intimacy issues are more common than you think. These concerns are closely related to attachment styles. Here are some reasons people struggle with intimacy in a relationship and what you can do to help yourself and your partner connect better.

Attachment styles and romance

Attachment styles have a direct impact on romantic relationships. When you have a secure attachment to your partner, it’s probably because of how you were raised as a child. You formed a secure bond with your parents or guardians. That attachment style can set you up for a successful relationship, romantic ones, and friendships. If you don’t have a secure attachment, problems can arise in romantic relationships due to fear of connection with others.

Avoidant attachment

People with avoidant attachment issues can struggle with intimacy problems. This is likely because they are afraid of being vulnerable with their partner. Perhaps they had trauma in their childhood where there were abandonment issues. Maybe they were neglected by their parents or guardians. There are many reasons that somebody could develop an avoidant attachment condition, but it can directly impact a person’s ability to attach to a current romantic partner. Our childhood wounds can make it difficult to connect with people in adulthood.

What can you do if you have an avoidant attachment?

If you have an avoidant attachment, it’s essential to face these issues in yourself. Your partner can’t fix your problems. You need to figure out why you’re scared to connect with your significant other. One way to do this is by journaling and figuring out what’s going on for you to be fearful of being in a relationship. Another way to cope is to talk to a therapist or counselor. Frustrations can arise when one partner has attachment issues. However, there’s hope, and it’s something that can be talked about, whether it’s with an individual therapist or in couples counseling.

Anxious attachment and intimacy

Anxious attachment occurs in people who have separation anxiety from their parents. If you don’t feel secure that your parents or caregiver will be there, that can cause anxious attachment. These issues carry into adulthood. You could want constant reassurance from your partner that they won’t abandon you. Instead of relying on trust in the relationship, you continually ask them if they love you or stay. That can cause stress in a relationship and deter the person from wanting to be intimate with you. Somebody with anxious attachment and inadvertently push their partner away.

What can you do if you have an anxious attachment?

When you have an anxious attachment issue, it can help to get to the source of your anxiety. Usually, these issues stem from childhood trauma. It could also be from other romantic relationships or being abandoned in friendships. You don’t want your anxiety to take over so much so that it pushes your partner away. You need to make sure that you trust your significant other enough to know that they will tell you if there is an issue. These are concerns you can explore with a licensed therapist.

Get help for intimacy issues

An excellent place to talk about intimacy problems is with a therapist, whether online or in person. Remember that you need to confront your intimacy problems before talking about them with your partner. However, couples counseling can be a game-changer when it comes to attachment concerns. Don’t be afraid to look at your attachment issues to have more fulfilling romantic relationships and fix the current problems with your partner.


Marie Miguel Biography 

Marie Miguel has been a writing and research expert for nearly a decade, covering a variety of health 
related topics. Currently, she is contributing to the expansion and growth of a free online mental health 
resource with BetterHelp.com. With an interest and dedication to addressing stigmas associated with 
mental health, she continues to specifically target subjects related to anxiety and depression.