Love can bring out the best and the worst in us. Here are the most cringeworthy moments when love turned out to be happily never after.
One youngster attempted to impress a girl in gym class by showing his commitment to the dodgeball game. When he stood up and attempted to rip off his sweatpants while yelling “LET’S DO THIS!” he accidentally removed his underpants as well. Smooth move.
Not This Girl
One guy tried making me jealous by boasting that he couldn’t “just be friends” with females because they “all have crushes” on him. You can bet spite made me the one girl who said “no, thanks!”.
I casually mentioned to a guy that I had journalism experience when I had really only taken one course on the subject in college. I thought it wouldn’t be a big deal since I had no plans on meeting again. Turns out, we went on a first date to a local clash between police and citizens. Romantic, right? Not so much: I got tear-gassed and robbed. Not a good start.
What ultimately turned me away from my crush was her smacking. Also, she would snack on ketchup packets regularly. I decided these were two irreconcilable differences between us and I was too disgusted to continue crushing on her.
Reverse Psychology: A Memoir
In grade school, I had a huge crush on a girl and decided to do what any young boy would do in that situation: embarass her so that he would fall hopelessly in love with me. So, the next time I saw her picking her nose, I shouted “EW, YOU’RE PICKING YOUR NOSE!” loud enough for the whole class to hear. Needless to say, my plan failed epically.
Change of Heart
In the fourth grade, I had a massive crush on a boy who played violin with me and gave me chocolates. Very romantic. One day, though, I caught him peeking into the girl’s bathroom and I couldn’t look at him the same way after that. To this day, I’m disappointed in him.
A Real Winner
In middle school, I tried to pull a smooth move on a popular girl at school by writing out the lyrics to “Loser” by Beck changing the lyrics “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me “ to “why don’t you kiss me”. You’ll be surprised to hear it worked.
Diagnosis: Relationship Negative
I got turned off from the girl I was interested in when she started preaching (based on unscientific conspiracy theories) that vaccines cause autism. Ignorance is unattractive.
One time I tried to impress a girl in primary school by constantly swearing. Embarassing, right? I though she would be impressed because I was a “bad boy” and didn’t care about the rules. In the end, she just thought I had anger and behavioral issues. It was worth a shot.
My crush on one girl ended when I spent more time with her and realized how mean she really was. She went from hot to ugly in my eyes so fast it was spooky. One of my friends ended up dating her and I still couldn’t see the attraction after that. My friends and I call girls like her “Ugly Hot”, so ugly on the inside that it affects how she is perceived physically.
Just Keep Swimming
While in New Zealand, I went to a beach party with some girls I met at the hostel. To get to the party, we needed to take a $2 ferry to cross a kilometer-wide inlet. In an attempt to impress the ladies, I decided to swim it while they took the ferry. About halfway across, I realized that I was slowly getting pulled out to sea and that I was not in as good of shape as I had assumed. Turns out, a kilometer is much more difficult than you’d think. Amazingly, I made it to the other side a few minutes after the ferry docked. I casually walked over to meet the girls as if I hadn’t just nearly been swept out to sea. Good news: I made it and ended up hooking up with one of the ladies who witnessed my tomfoolery. Bad news: the ferry was $2 round trip, so I still ended up having to pay the full fare to return after the party.
A Cruel Game of Phone Tag
One time I had a crush on this lady who actually asked me out one day. She just gave me her number and asked to make weekend plans. How lucky is that? Except, when I called her back later that day, she didn’t answer or respond to texts. I saw her a couple of days later and she profusely apologized, saying she just doesn’t check her phone often. I confirm our weekend plans and show up at the place and time arranged for her to, surprise surprise, stand me up. When I see her the next day, she again apologizes and I stupidly give her the benefit of the doubt and try to make plans for a few days later. Instead of risking another stand-up, I decided to call her from another number which she didn’t have saved to see if she answers. Amazingly, she answered! When I introduced myself, she hung up. Crush over.
A Gift To Yourself
I once purchased a hedgehog for a girl I had a crush on. When I gave it to her, I didn’t think through how her parents would react. Of course, they didn’t let her keep him so I kept him for myself for the next seven years. He was a great pet!
An Arm and A Leg
A huge insecurity of mine are a collection of noticeable scars on my legs from an autoimmune disease. In college, I had a huge crush on this guy who had transferred to my university during the fall. We had spent quite a bit of time together except when I wore shorts for the first time that Spring, he reacted quite tactlessly by leaping four seats back. I never spoke to him again in my life.
I once attempted a back flip to impress my crush. I’m not sure why I thought this was a good idea, as I had never even attempted a back flip on a trampoline, much less on solid ground. Expectedly, I landed on my head and woke up later in the hospital throwing up with a concussion. Thankfully, I didn’t end up paralyzed but I definitely didn’t get any feelings from that girl.
Table For Two
A long-standing crush and I finally established dinner plans. I ended up spending the majority of the date at the table alone while he suffered in the bathroom from oxycodone withdrawal symptoms. I guess someone brought him some to recover while he was in there because he returned to the table after an hour, bright eyed and bushy tailed. He invited me to his place and I stupidly agreed, even though I knew I had lost any feelings I had for him.
Don’t Try This At Home
When I was in middle school, I was riding home on my bike from school and noticed a group of girls several years older than me. Coincidentally, across the street was the boy who I had a big crush on. I was riding on the pavement and thought I could try to impress the boy by overtaking the older girls. I planned to drop down into the roadway, pass them aggressively then jump back to the curb ahead of them. As it turns out, my lovesick brain overwhelmed my logic and I severly miscalculated the jump, which ended with me tossed out into oncoming traffic. As I scrambled to get back onto the pavement, my bike flew off the ground and I was chucked head first into a bush. My goal was actually achieved: my crush came over to help and even called me cute when I started crying. I haven’t ridden a bike since.
Beggars Can’t Be Choosers
This story is about a then-girlfriend, not just a crush. She had been looking for a job for months and I had been supporting her throughout her difficult job hunt. Then, when she received a solid offer she turned it down because she thought the interviewer was rude to her. Come to find out, the interviewer was rightfully upset because she was over 20 minutes late for the interview. Clearly, her immaturity was the common denominator of her problems. We broke up shortly after that.
I was on a vacation with my parents in the Dominican Republic when I was nine or ten years old. They had a dance competition on stage during an event and I had spotted a cute girl who was 14 or 15. My young male mind thought the best way to get her attention was to get on stage and dance my heart out. A few minutes of awkward public shuffling while maintaining eye contact with the girl and my parents were horrified and the coordinator politely cut me off, pretending that the speaker had stopped working. I got a nice round of pity applause.
A Pretty Face…and Lots of Instagram Followers
When you fall for someone, it’s easy to overlook things which otherwise would be warning signs. My biggest crush was on a girl who paid more attention to posting ooey gooey romantic posts on instagram rather than pay attention to her own personal success. On our first date, all she talked about was her online followers. At one point, she told me to not worry about them. I hadn’t been worried at all and really couldn’t care less. I saw them as pathetic and using her as an emotional crutch. In the end, I realized she had nothing going on in her life: she still lived with her parents, had no goals in life, no hobbies and was failing in school. They say a pretty face is enough to hook a guy because that’s all that really matters to men in the end. I disagree: I’d say quality guys who are self-respecting individuals will only put up with total nonsense for so long. Looks aren’t everything!
Tae Kwon No
I took Tae Kwan Do classes as a teen and became entraced with two beautiful girls around my age in another class session. They always like to go and have a smoke behind the mall before their practice and so, in an attempt to impress, I decided I’d try for myself. One day, I caught each of them individually and had a smoke with each before class. When we came back, I got queasy and had to throw up so I ran outside and vomitted all over the glass wall of the Dairy Queen nextdoor. All of the cashiers and horrified patrons inside looked on in horror. Looking back, I should have invested in a practice smoke.
One woman I briefly dated was introduced to me by a friend. She was going through a divorce but seemed very put together and impressed me on the first date. The second date, however, started to expose her true colors: she brought her eight year old son who sat there with his hands over his ears the whole time, miserable, and unable to hold a conversation because of his crippling lack of self-confidence. Come to find out, her husband had basically spoiled her, provided for her in every way so that she never worked and she was looking for a replacement now that he had left her. She flat out told me she was looking for an “old fashioned” man, meaning one who would foot the bill, treat her like a queen, and whisk her off to foreign cities regularly to stay in fancy hotels. That was the point that my intial feelings soured towards her. I was not down to be used by someone like that, especially when we had just met. I was mad at the time, now I feel sorry for her. She endured years of lying and cheating from her ex husband only to be left to fed for herself in the end. It was a classic case of outsourcing your sense of self to a romantic partner.
Game of Love
I intentionally let a girl win several rounds of Uno to let her think she was really good. She has no idea.
Happily Never After
After a miserable date, a guy I had started getting the feels for attempted to makeout with me and took it a little far by climbing on top of me against my will. I repeatedly told him “no” and pushed him off only for him to exclaim “Come on, I’ve been waiting for this for a long time!”as if that’s a valid excuse. I eventually just shouted “No!” louder and louder until he gave up. He was pissed and I left. Obviously, the second date never happened.
One year I went on a date on the 4th of July. After dinner, we went out on the lake in a canoe to watch fireworks. It was a great idea until the young macho me felt like I needed to impress her by refusing to let her help me life the large canoe. I put her in it while it was still on the grass and continued to manhandle the boat into the water to show how strong I was. The next morning, I had to call in sick to work because my back muscles were so strained that I couldn’t get out of bed.
I had an on-and-off thing with one guy for over a year after we met at a party. There was strong attraction and we always had fun on casual dates. I felt like we had a deep connection yet we always kept it casual. After our last date, however, we made it back to his place and ended up making out in his bed. Just as we got to the good part, I asked if he had a condom, and he replied “Nah, we won’t be needing one tonight! I had an STI a few weeks agao and I just finished getting it all handled!”. I’ve never noped out of a situation so fast.
You Can Be Everything You Want To Be
In the sixth grade, I had a huge hormone-fueled crush on a boy in my class. There was a “star student” thing going on where each of us would have a week on the board that showed our achievements and hobbies with pictures and things so that we could get to know each other better. When it was my turn, I crammed over 10 things into “waht I wanted to be when I grew up” just to impress him. I’m pretty sure he just thought I was a try-hard.
Praying For Better Judgment
I attended a large in a Bible Belt town where ther was a student group called “Christ’s Ambassadors”. They would wear matching shirts on Wednesdays, give out mini Bibles and tell people they were going to hell. To say the least, I didn’t buy into their belief system. One year, I had a crush on this guy from one of my classes until he walked into class on Wednesday with one of those Christ’s Ambassadors shirts. My heart broke in half on the spot. In interesting plot twist, one of my friends ended up marrying him and he turned out to be very physically abusive. She is now out of the marriage, and we both dodged the bullet somewhat.
In high school, I bailed my crush out via Spanish notes. No kidding: I lived close to school so when he left his notebook in his locker, I walked a mile to the school and sat in the hallways reading 10+ of notes to him so that he would pass his test the next day.
Like Father, Like Daughter
While unfair, it was my crush’s family which made me lose interest in her. She was actually my official girlfriend and between her mentally unstable sister and family which was obsessed with pets (with 13 cats, 3 birds and 2 dogs) and believed in ghosts, it was a bit too much to remain in a relationship. The whole family even slept in the same bed when they thought the ghosts were active at night. Her dad specifically didn’t like me because of some of my mannerisms which were due to my high-functioning autism. I lost all feelings toward her in the end.